fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
