Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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