i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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