I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found puke in my bra..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
