I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
