We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
