I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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