anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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