I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
