She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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