im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
