I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
