I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
