And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
