So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
