Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
