She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
