At least make sure they are 18
Why
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Shame - the story of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
