..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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