I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
