I could make wine with my vomit
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
