I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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