She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We are all done wearing pants today
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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