First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
