If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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