Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wear drunk well.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
