i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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