Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
