I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she smelled like a LAN party
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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