with your own penis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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