just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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