Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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