So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Actions speak louder than pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
