and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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