I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
