Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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