i drank out of a bidet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
