I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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