There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
