So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
