my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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