You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize