Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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