it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize