so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize