do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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