I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Boobs speak an international language.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize