Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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