I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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