when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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