Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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