Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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