According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
