at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
