there's paper in my vomit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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