the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
