im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
