Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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