dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
