I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
