At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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