your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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