So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
