I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
