I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
